I want a divorce with you- some inspirational jokes

A married couple is driving along the highway doing a steady fourty miles per hour. The wife is behind the wheel.

Her husband abruptly looks across at her, speaking in a clear voice, and says, “Darling, I know we’ve been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce.”

The wife says nothing, keeping her eyes on the road ahead but slowly increases her speed to 45 mph.

The husband speaks again, saying this time, “I don’t want you to try and talk me out of it, because I’ve been having an affair with your best friend, and she’s a far better lover than you.”

Again the wife stays quiet, but grips the steering wheel more tightly and slowly increases the speed to 55.

He pushes his luck. “I want the house,” he demands.

Up to 65 mph. “I want the car, too,” he continues. Up to 75 mph! “And,” he says, “I’ll have the bank accounts, all the credit cards, the boat, and our dog!”

The car slowly begins veering towards a massive concrete bridge. This makes him a wee bit nervous, so he asks her, “Isn’t there anything you want?”

At last the wife replies – in a quiet and controlled voice. “No, I’ve got everything I need.” she says.

“Oh, really?” he inquires, “So what exactly have you got?

Just before they slam into the wall at 80 mph, the wife turns to him and smiles, “The airbag.”

===================================

Three doctors went duck hunting and a bird flew overhead.

The general practitioner looked at it and said, “Looks like a duck, flies like a duck… it’s probably a duck,” and he took a shot at it but missed and the bird flew away.

When the next bird came into view, the pathologist looked at it, then through the pages of a bird manual, and said, “Hummmm… white wings, yellow bill, quacking sound… might be a duck,” and by the time he raised this gun to shoot, the bird was long gone.

The surgeon raised his gun and shot down a third bird almost without looking, then turned to the pathologist and said, “Go see if that was a duck.”

===================================

A man frantically calls the hotel desk from his room on the 11th floor.

“Please come quick I’m having an arguement with my wife and she says she’s going to jump out the hotel window.”

The hotel manager replies, “Sir I’m afraid that’s a domestic matter and the hotel and it’s staff are obligated to not interfere.”

The husband responds, “Like hell it’s a domestic matter! This damn window won’t open, and that sir is a hotel maintenance problem.”

===================================

On a flight James bond was sitting next to a Telugu guy.

Telugu Guy: “Hello, May I know your name please?”

James Bond: “My name is Bond’ Continuing in his inimitable style…..James Bond.”

Then Bond asks: “And you?

Telugu Guy: “My name is Rao…
“Siva Rao…
“Samba Siva Rao…
“Venkata Samba Siva Rao…
“Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao…
“Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao…
“Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao…
“Vijayawada Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao…

Since then when anyone asks Bond his name he simply says ‘James Bond’